Tomorrow I will meet with the freshmen girls at the Rougher Alternative Academy. I’ll be speaking about empowerment.
Now, what does that mean? One definition is to give someone else the authority to do something. “I empowered her.”
But that’ s not my take. I know I’m ancient! 48. But since I’m ancient, I’ve learned a very cool way to define empowerment. It changed my life. Want to know more?
When I was 15 I wasn’t empowered. In fact I felt stuck.
I felt like everyone else had the power. I was defined by my home status (tough), the way I looked (skinny!), the way that others thought about me (hmmm, not always sure), or by what I could or couldn’t do (write? yes. fashion? not so much.)
But now I know differently.
I believe that we are empowered when we grow as a person, in spite of all that stuff.
It started with my thinking.
I accepted who I was. It is what it is, I learned. I was skinny. Couldn’t change that then. My family was struggling. There were other people who were prettier, richer, drove a better car, got the guy, had the cash. . .
But that didn’t mean that I didn’t have something to offer. I was funny. I was sensitive. I loved life. I loved to write. I was a good friend.
I had to accept me.
Second, I had to trust me. Who was I when no one was looking? That was the real me. No mask. Not pretend games. If I was self-destructive when I was alone, then I needed to either find help for that or make a 180 in my life.
I needed to be able to trust me always. Integrity. Making the best decision for the long run rather than what felt good at the moment. Telling the guy who was hot, but who didn’t care about my future adios.
Third, I wasn’t at the mercy of the things I couldn’t change.
I couldn’t change my home life, but that didn’t mean that I had to do the same thing later when I became an adult. But that decision started right then. If I didn’t want to be an addict later for my kids, then drugs were a no man’s zone for me. If I didn’t want to end up in a job I hated, then grades mattered.
I had a lot more impact on my own future than anyone had ever mentioned.
Sometimes when people say the word “power” they mess it up. They think about ruling over others or making people do what you want. It’s really more of a surrender.
For me, spiritually I surrender to something or Someone who is bigger than me. Personal choice, I know. So no pressure here. But for me, it has been an amazing part of my journey.
I also surrendered to changing what I can, and to stop trying to change what I cannot. This was huge for me. I stopped spinning my wheels waiting for people to be fixed, or to say they were sorry, or to acknowledge what they should do.
If they stayed behind while I grew as a person, then that was their choice. I could hope for them, but in the meanwhile I had a journey to make.
The magical thing that happens when you live by this definition of empowerment is that even though you’re not consciously trying to control or effect the actions of others, you do anyway.
Other people begin to trust you. They can tell you’re a person of quality and integrity. They may even listen to what you have to say. But most of all, your relationships are healthy and good, and life takes you where you were meant to be.
“Don’t let the negativity given to you by the world disempower you. Instead give to yourself that which empowers you.” – Les Brown
